Toxic Conversations

Toxic Conversations 

From a Good Place

Toxic conversations and negative words happen every single day. However, I try to avoid them…right? We all do. But, as I had dinner with a girlfriend a few days ago and something happened that reminded me of  just how easy it is to allow negativity to take root.

Full disclosure….my life is in a very good place. I love my career, I’m happy in my personal life, both of my kids are sources of positive energy for me, and I’m healthy.

Which is why it is so disturbing to me that this negative talk even began; but also a good reminder to watch my actions.

Innocent Conversations

It started out innocently.. Two friends sharing a little wine and an evening of relaxing. Girl time, so-to-speak. But, as the conversation continued I realized that I had nonchalantly complained about something. It was a minor infraction in the scheme of things, probably something as simple as “can you believe I bought a new dress and HE didn’t even notice?” – yes, that simple and that minor.

But, the comment started a conversation pattern. My friend, as any girlfriend would do, supported me in my right to be offended.  She even made some additional comments like “I don’t know why you put up with that” and “he really is a jerk.”

Before I knew it, I’d spent the next two hours verbally bashing a man and a life that I actually have no complaints about. In fact, by the time I was half-way through dinner I started to question whether I was in fact happy at all.

Getting a Grip

When I got back to my car, reality set back in. I started the engine and the spa music came on the radio.  (Quiet music as I drive is a physical reminder that life doesn’t have to be rushed.) The instant the music came on and I pulled out of the restaurant parking lot I became very aware of what I’d just done.

I allowed myself to fall into a cycle of negative thoughts. I allowed those thoughts to be verbalized, and I further allowed someone else to cheer me on in my whining. All of those behaviors are destructive; hugely destructive.

Repeating the Negative Story Validates It

Too often we get caught up in the emotion of conversation. We talk about what’s wrong in our lives and we look for our friends to confirm that we should feel badly. If it’s a health issue that we’re struggling with we talk about to anyone who might listen. When we feel mistreated at work, we ‘vent’ to all of our friends and our family.

One infraction may take on a new life five or six times as we repeat it to everyone we see. Each time we do it we empower our subconscious with negative words. Each time we do it we send the message to our own subconscious stating that this is our reality and we are happy to continue on the path.

Recreating the Problem

If we continually repeat what’s wrong in our lives, we continually recreate it.  If I were to have dinner with that same friend every week for two months, and if the conversation would take place in that same manner, it would be only a matter of time before I began to believe that my relationship is actually pretty miserable.

The power of the words would take root in my mind and with enough repetition, I would believe it. Once I believe it, the end would be near. We create our reality by our thoughts. And we empower those thoughts with our words and actions. There’s no shorter path to destruction in life or in career than the constant banter of negative words and conversations.

Choose Your Lens Wisely

I’ve often repeated Wayne Dyer’s quote “change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change.” Wayne meant that if you take a negative circumstance, and view it from a positive lens, the outcome will change.

But, I did it backwards. I took a very positive relationship and viewed it through a negative lens. When I did that, even for a brief time, I began to question everything about it. Fortunately, I’ve been studying intention and reading about the power of thought and the power of the subconscious for so long that I was able to immediately get back on track.

The moment I was removed from the situation I began deprogramming my brain. I listened to the peaceful music on the way home, and then I spent an hour alone meditating on the good in my life before I went to sleep that night. When I awoke, I felt refreshed and my love for my fiancé was even stronger.

Breaking the Cycle

If you’ve never been exposed to the power of the subconscious mind, you could find yourself in the negative cycle. Negative conversations can be the norm, not the anomaly. And, you may find that the more you engage in  negativity, the more you attract negativity.

I invite you to break free of that cycle. Spend time each day in quiet meditation focusing on your inner peace, not the outer ego. Allow yourself to break free of negative cycles. Eventually even if you do backslide and have a negative moment, you’ll  be able to turn the cycle around very quickly.

Once you master this you will find more positive attracted into your life and your career. You will find that peace and awareness are yours for the taking; but you have to listen. Stop talking, stop complaining, and stop looking for validation. Just listen. You will hear it; the truth is already inside your spirit just waiting to be heard.

Looking for a career transition or to create a bigger impact in your current careerSpeaker and coach Cynthia Corsetti can guide you in Executive LeadershipCareer Transition and Interview Skills. Connect with her on InstagramLinkedIn. and Facebook


Share your thoughts:

1 Comment

  1. Dave D'Egidio

    Hi Cynthia,

    Just thought I’d HI. Really like your web site. Hope you are doing very well. I’m doing good myself,
    thinking positive, taking meds , going to all Dr. appt.s , eating well , not letting stupid things or people get to me. You were a major player in my recovery peroid. If you could send me an e-mail address,
    I would like to share a letter I wrote to my sister and brother in-law.

    Also , this is a great quote by L.B.J. “….if they saw me walking on water, they would say that’s because
    I can’t swim……”